Declassified Park Survival Guide: BG Tampfrica

So a few weeks back I put together the survival guide for the Studios. At the end I promised a look at Islands of Adventure (IOA to the initiated). I have a problem with that for a big reason. Harry Potter. I love IOA, probably one of my favorite parks ever but it's really ceasing to be what I loved. The Lost Continent is all but dead, sure Dragons is still there, and Sindbad is still there, but for how long? They're going to change it, having already ripped out a fixture of the land, the Enchanted Oak, and closing the Flying Unicorn. So quite frankly not having that land it's kind of unfair to have a complete guide if you dont have the complete park.

On the other hand, I have recently re-discovered a park that I dont get to go to much because of the distance it is away from me, that of course being Busch Gardens Tampa...Africa...Dark....how about we call it BG Tampfrica.
Busch Gardens is a 335 acre African wonderland nestled in the East side of Tampa Bay. It was opened in 1959 as a free admission hospitality center for the brewery that used to be onsite there. Originally known for free beer and its tropical gardens where animals roamed free, Busch Gardens Tampfrica is now known as the coaster capital of Florida with six distinctly different coasters, a huge animal habitat and of course free beer.

Get a good start:

Of course like at all parks the key to doing the whole park is to get a very early start. At least a half hour before the park opens, if not sooner, should guarantee at least two hours of no lines. If you can do so, get the preferred parking, it takes you about a half a mile closer to the front gate and you dont have to get on the tram. Besides getting to do the rides with no lines the other distinct advantage is that this is an animal park and animals are early risers. We've gotten a few gator teeth from the people cleaning the gator pond, to being able to feed giraffes to even watching apes....spank the monkey, just from being there early. As the day lingers on and gets hotter, and it will, the animals tend to find shade and get lazy not making appearances as often.

The Coasters:
Most of you want to ride. Thats why we love to go to the parks, its not for the animals...its for the rides. So here's the best way to get all six coasters in before the lines hit. The order really matters. First stop is Gwazi, the GCI wooden half lion/half tiger/half traction accident. It's located to the left of the park entrance. You can manage to get not only front row rides on this but front row rides on both trains before you get any wait. Height limit is 48 inches so little kids cant ride, and the seats are kind of tight so big asses may have a hard time.

Then double back to the complete other side of the park and hit Montu, the B&M Inverted with a huge batwing. Of course you'll be able to wait a few minutes at this point and ride front row, but really any row is good on this one. Now here's where it gets tricky....and you'll want to pay attention. Do not follow the path back around, you'll get lost. The path takes you around the Serengeti plain and back again, a giant loop to see animals....valuable time lost. Instead take the path to the Skyride. Of course you're going to fly right over Rhino Rally, Scorpion and Cheetah Chase, but honestly you can get back to those later. No, you want to go to the big ones first. The skyride gives you valuable air time so you can rest your feet, and it takes you over the crowd faster for a 3-6 minute ride instead of a 20 minute walk. From the air you'll also see loads of animals and get a good aerial view of the park. It will dump you out in the Congo section right at the mouth of Kumba...or you can wait and hit Sheikra....yeah, I'd hit it first. Run toward Sheikra and drop til you...well..drop. It doesnt matter where you sit, its a good ride, but the earlier you are the better chance you have of being slid upfront. Fat people no worries, every row has modified seating for your comfort. After Sheikra run back over towards Kumba, nestled back behind the Congo area. Kumba is a standard B&M sit down coaster, and has your standard B&M elements. At one time it was the tallest coaster in Florida....not a bit feat seeing that the tallest point is a crap little attraction called spook hill...but another story another day.

Jump off of Kumba and dash towards Timbuktu, towards the front and left of the park where you'll find Scorpion, and Cheetah Chase. Both smaller coasters, and really not worth any kind of wait, so if the lines are long...skip em...but by this time they wont be.

Non Coaster Stuffs:

Little Timmy too short? Suzy too afraid of the big scary coasters? I feel ya, unfortunately there arent too many non coaster rides at BGT. No big dark rides, nothing really for the whole family. But there are several things just for kids.

Land of Dragons is an interactive kids play ground on the West side of the park with nets, ball pits a bunch of fountains and a whole bunch of kiddie flat rides. Problem is most kids are too big for this by age 6, and cant ride any of the little stuff. There are animals along the way such as huge iguanas and Komodo Dragons.

Lory Landing is fun first thing in the morning because you can pay a little cash get a little tub of food and have birds blanket you fighting for food. I've actually had a Lory nest in my ear....yeah, its that big.

Tidal Wave is huge, and right around the same area as Sheikra. It's got a big drop and thats about it. It's a good way to get wet, and a good way to kill about 8 minutes.

Stanleyville Log Flumes is right next to Sheikra and is pretty high in capacity. It's also not as tall as Tidal Wave so little ones may like to ride better.

Congo River Rapids is huge and will soak you to the bone. It's good for getting wet and having your shoes make farting noises when you walk.

Timbuktu is home to not only Scorpion and Cheetah Chase but also many flat rides for both kids and older folks. They have the little airplanes, a scrambler and an inverter ship. Not to mention its also home to the horrific Pirates 4D attraction. To think they tore down a really good Dolphin show for this piece.

Rhino Rally is a hell of a lot of fun, and to me in the same vein as Jungle Cruise at MK with a mix of Kilimanjaro Safaris at AK. It mixes an animal tour with the smart ass commentary of Jungle Cruise and is a lot of fun. It gets long lines fast and is really not worth the wait when the water portion isnt working, but it does get you really close to the animals. Actual transcript from my last ride:

Ride Op: Okay, who can tell me what those big sweaty things are to your left?

Me: My wife?

Ride Op: (stopping the vehicle and looking at me) Did you just say your wife? Dude, you're so not getting any tonight.

They dont take their jobs seriously and it makes it a lot of fun, they also tend to stray from the script with things like "LOOK PINK CHICKENS ON STILTS!". Personality goes a long way.

There are so many different animal attractions, I'm not going to name them all, but if you want to see an animal..they have em, and will most likely have it out roaming around. We got to see a hedgehog! I'm not talking Sonic and I dont mean Ron Jeremy (though I've seen him more times than I care to).

Jungala:

Yes this area is so cool it gets its own section. Jungala is brand new, and its awesome. You not only have a bigger kids play area with a jump tower, and zip lines, but you also have the most immersive animal habitats possibly in the world. You can get face to face with Orangutangs, go under water and see Crocodiles lurking, go out in the middle of a Gibbon refuge and even crawl in a box with a tiger. Seriously, this place was worth the lack of coaster for this year. We must have spent about 2 hours staring at the tigers, from the bengal tigers to the white bengals, to moms and kittens to the tiger tug of war...it was fantastic.

The tangs, they're lazy...but again early in the morning and they're active as hell walking around the island outside and pressing the button to squirt people on the inside.

The highlight however has got to be the kids rides nestled neatly away the nooks and cranny's of the place. The Wild Surge was a blast and not crowded, as we stayed on for about ten mintues bopping up and out of the waterfall and cave. The zip lines I was naturally too fat for, but the kids loved it...though they were rather simple...out and back.

Add loads of places to eat and lots of photo ops and you have a great day at the park, lets hope that In Bev doesnt screw it up.

Til next time, keep your pants on......busch hoppers.

Talk about it on the boards.

A momentary lapse of strength

As you all may know, or even if you dont, or if you dont care....I've been on a diet. Here at Coaster Crew Mr. Novak and I entered into a contest we like to call the biggest loser. The goal was to lose as much weight as safely possible. We opened to you our faithful members who also were a little too large to fit on the coasters, and some of you responded. We were supposed to have this huge great prize, and an amazing weigh in at Hard Rock Park. As with a lot of things we do, we had no follow through and Hard Rock Park cut its hours. We let you guys down. I'm sorry. I think between Clint and myself we can put together a great prize for those who stuck it out without cheating. You see, both Clint and myself have used chemicals to help us perform better. Alli, to be exact. I've had great luck with it, and no pooping in my pants. Clint? Not so lucky.
So, on we went with the great diet. I dont know what happened to Novak, but he's still in the less than 20lbs area...maybe he's over that..no idea. I, however, reached the magic number of 40lbs total weight loss today. It's a great feeling to have your pants fall off, to have women looking at you with that "come hither" look, and to be able to fit into coasters again. On top of that it's had a great side effect of looking better naked, and not waking up in pain from aching knees and back.
It's been hard. I've been exercising on a regular basis, eating healthy, cutting out all the soda, candy, fat fried foods...everything bad. Eating carrots, fruit and other vegetables. One downside to this of course was the fact I had to give up wholly fattening, but terribly delicious food such as the decadent cheeseburgers and french fries of Five Guys burgers in Vero Beach. They are a bit of a chain, but goddamn are they good. So good in fact that I frequented them enough for the manager to know me by name.
So today, for the first time in 3 months, I ventured in and walked up to the manager.
"Erik? Is that you?" he said. Let me tell ya, that feels really good.
"Yeah, how've you been?"
"I'm great! Where the hell you been, and what happened?"
"Well...been on a diet. Lost 40 lbs."
"Thats terrific! You sure you want to do this then?"
"Oh yeah."
Normally I would order a bacondouble cheeseburger, two large fries and a coke. Enough for 2 people and then some. Today....slightly less. A little cheeseburger, no mayo, onions or mushrooms, a large fry, and a bottle of water. Yeah, some splurge, but let me say its hard to in good concience slip into that eating again. I've worked so hard, and it was a battle of wills to even go in. Let me also say that I had the entire family with me, and it was a split affair with the fries. So we get our food, and I open the bag. Dear lord...I had missed that warm grease smell so much. The first bite into the burger, I almost shed a tear. It was so fucking delicious. Why is it that things that taste so good are so bad for us? I could feel my cleaned out arteries shrinking away in pain, this is the stuff heart attacks are made of.
Fries were also a no no on the diet. I made short work of them.
It's simply amazing the things you take for granted, I never would have thought these fattening, artery clogging greaseballs to be anything close to heaven sent six months ago...but you take it away for a while. Damn, it's as close to sex as I want to get with my clothes on.
Even still, as I sit here basking in the after glow of the orgasmic love of food that I once again experienced for the first time in almost three months, I feel as if I cheated on my spouse...the and betrayed the relationship that I forged with healthy living. I only hope that she can forgive me, and wont punish me too badly on the scales next week.
Til next time...I've got to get to the toilet.
-Erik

Bloody Mary or the King of Halloween?

I logged onto my email today and saw a few updates from the Chainsawwolf page staring at me. "Bloody Mary makes an appearance!" Chainsawwolf is a site run by the legendary scareactor Chainsawolf who has been HHN forever, and they have the devoted followers that scour the net for any info they could get. Today, Jared from the wolf boards posted this:

"So after staring at the skull on Tab III, I saw the two figures of people in there and it reminded me of that classic optical illusion of the two people playing poker, that is also inside of a skull. Then I thought, this can't just be coincidence. So I went back and looked at Tab II and it has a very similar round > shape to Tab III, with things being places in similar spots. So I then thought, what if you stack all of the Tabs together in photoshop? I think you guys would like to see the result."

Here's the result.

Great find Jared...fucking amazing thought, something I dont have the patience for. And this is what true horror fans do...they spend every waking moment looking for some kind of clue to whats next. I guess I'm not as true blue as some...then again, horror dont pay my bills.

Halloween Horror Nights is starting to pick up full steam. Most of you really have no idea what its all about, but dont worry.....you will. I'll make sure of that, and I hope to convert at least one of the Crew into a bloodletter or goregetter. Well, what you dont know, and may not hear is what almost was. Sure, we're not 100% of what the hell to expect this year, but so far, so good. We have what looks like a lady icon, and a serious lady icon. She has the brains, she has the nerve, and most of all...she has the blood lust. She's going to be putting people into vicarious positions of danger while enjoying every minute of it, all in the name of...science....right. She was a shrink that did research on phobias and had an unorthodox way of studying them...by putting her patients into their fears and seeing how far they would go to avoid them. We dont know how they'll string all of these fears together, or how effective the good doctor will be, but we do know her name....or at least what we think her name will be....Bloody Mary.

But the one thing that you really dont know is the HHN that almost was...or is it still there? Universal has so many creative minds working for them, such as the great J. Michael Roddy (who was on In The Loop) Mike Aiello (who has excellent taste in movies...Death Proof KILLS!) And T.J. Mannarino (the mastermind of the macabre celebration for quite sometime now). That, however, doesnt convince marketing because they conduct countless surveys every year on what people would like to see. One such survey asked about Urban Legends and which one would scare you......hmmmm....seems like people liked that idea.

Another survey that went around had four possible ideas for themes, each revolving around an icon in horror.

1.)George Romero's original Night of The Living Dead, having it's 40th anniversary.

2.)Lions Gate films, including Saw, Halloween and Hostel

3.)Jill, an all new icon who ran away to the circus and was the main squeeze of another HHN Icon...

4.)The many books of Stephen King

All of these were somewhat good ideas, with one great one...but they all presented problems

1.)An event full of zombies? Great in theory, but one zombie house or area is enough. Now make Marvel Zombies and I'm there.

2.)Last year we had New Line films with Freddy, Jason and Leatherface. The movie thing has been done, and it had people screaming "sell out". Besides, these films are less horror and more slasher...blood doesnt neccessarily equal scary.

3.)Jill..Jack and Jill. We've had enough clowns. Sure a female icon would be great, one thats scary, but not another damn clown!

4.)Stephen King is a smart man. Maybe too smart. He'd want an awful lot of money for the rights to his books.....but most of his really scary books have been movies...some of which werent so scary. Some stuff from his books were translated different in the movies...(example: The hatchet in the Shining was originally a denver croquet mallet...whats a denver croquet mallet...it's like a regular mallet, only really fucking big.) So people may be confused when they go to the book versions....then again, they could go with the movies...but the studios who made the movies owns those rights, not Stephen King...they'd have to pay twice...so that tossed that idea out the window. Or did it?

Now this is pure speculation, and purely based on the rumored names of all the houses and the site coming from the site. With that said, my esteemed friend Preston S. Popp(esquire! And I am Erik Erikdore Logan, and together we are WYL....sorry...) and I started looking at some of the imagery and how the King may not have disappeared after all.

Case #1-We are shown pictures of symbols and scarecrows. The rumored house that goes with this is "The Hallow". The book...tough call there, but I'm thinking kind of Pet Semetary. Preston pointed out the ritualistic drawings and the whole "druid" feel to it....kind of like a lost ancient Indian Tribe. What gets me is the headless man...his head is ate in half and he seems to be walking....like someone who's come back.

Case #2-We are shown drawings of alien type symbols and told an astronaut is scared of the end of the world. This is a long shot, but a lot of folks believe this to be "Interstellar Terror" which to me screams space....and aliens. Stephen King book? Tommyknockers or Dreamcatcher. Both have to do with aliens wanting to enslave humanity and end our way of life....but Dreamcatcher has buttworms....dont know...I'm leaning Tommyknockers on this one.

Case #3-I SEE DEAD PEOPLE! ON CAMERA! This one is kind of hard, the only real Stephen King story to deal with something similar is Cell. Basically a cell phone signal turns people into zombies....I know stretching it, but still....It's more likely based on "Shutter" which is not a King story. So we'll have to wait to see what "Dead Exposure" is.

Case #4-This one is obvious. You look at a comic book and in it there are spined tentacles. This one is obviously "Creatures" which is obviously "The Mist" in which other worldly creatures with huge spiny tentacles are let loose. The book, actually, is more about religion and the fact that people are sheep than big scary creatures....funny how things work. Kind of like how Night of the Living Dead is really about Racism.

Case #5-Here's where we're upto at this point on the site. The rumored house is "Scary Tales" and in it we hear of a lady who is afraid of stories...like fairy tales. So the good doctor has a bunch of lunatics chant stories ritualistic. I am at a loss on this one, but Preston seems to think it's Children of the Corn. There are reports that Cornfields are being grown in the house for this one, and we'll be lost inside of them while unseen forces walk among them. Kind of makes sense...but why fairy tales?

Other house names include Doomsday, Bloody Mary, Body Collectors. Doomsday, I hope is a take on "The Stand" which is an apocolyptic look at good and evil. Preston is leaning towards Bloody Mary being Misery...I dont see that one.....

But it is clear that some of the King's works were borrowed from...just a tiny bit....which is definately not a bad thing. After all, if it keeps you awake at night and engrains terrible visions in your head and keeps me looking to the closet for the ghost of a serial killer....then I dont mind the borrowing. But, could you only imagine an entire event? Walking down the halls of the hotel i Shining? Seeing two little girls and a river of blood? And Jack? He aint got shit on Pennywise! We All Float Down Here...

Til next time...Keep your pants on....scaredy cats.

Tell us your theories in the forums.

My Coaster Collection Part 2

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls. Thank you for stopping by my little sliver of the internet. Don’t be shy, just step right up and gather round. The tale I’m going to weave for you today is one for the ages, and not to be missed. Allow me to introduce myself, I’m Erik, keeper of the kept, and master of the inept.

So last time I was compiling my top ten coasters that I'm going to buy when my lotto check finally clears. I made it to number 6 and the bank called....its taking a little longer than I expected, so to finish it up this week, here's the last 5. Again, some of these are great coasters, some of them are fake, but they're all fun...and products of my fantasy.
5.The Last Starfighter: Greetings Starfighter. You have been recruited by the Star League to defend the Frontier against Xur and the Kodan Armada. If you grew up in the 80's how can you not love this movie? If you didnt grow up in the 80's....your loss....this movie is going to be terrible to today's standards. But what kid didnt want to save the Universe by playing video games? This is a tough one, but it's completely a pipedream that they should come up with. Hell, they already use the music in Disney....Pat McCabe, can you tell me where?

So imagine the themeing! The frontier, Centari, Grig! All of them there in either face character mode or animatronics...matter of fact, lets make it animatronics. We start the ride as a dark ride, aboard gunstar coaster trains, we'll keep them small, and have them as suspended coasters...only the seats are on a type of gyroscope and you have controls. Each row has two seats, a navigator who has controls that control the speed of the coaster, and direction, and the gunner..we'll get more to that one later.We go through the different scenes of the movie, and we end the dark ride portion at the final battle, where Alex finds out that he is the last starfighter, as you go shooting off into "space", an indoor coaster where you are zipping up down and around the track, loads of floating ships firing at you as you pass. You then enter a lift hill at the bottom of a hill and spend your time shooting targets on the way up. Your chair spins completely around while the Navigator turns the ship with his controls. As you near the crest, you hear a voice say "Time for Death Blossom! The Weapon of last resort!" and you hit the red and white striped button. As you launch down the coaster track, your car goes spinning up and around the track, literally over the rail, as your chair and car go spinning. Yeah, it'll make you puke, and yeah, it's almost virtually impossible to accomplish, but dammit, it sounds fun as hell.

4.Monsters Inc.-Escape from Monstropolis: I know, I know, they're building a door coaster at Hollywood Studios. I know. However, let's take it out of Hollywood Studios, and build it my way. For this one, I'm going to get a key to Magic Kingdom, and be able to go anytime I want. In the movie Monsters Inc. Boo is being chased by the evil Randall in one of the most awe inspiring parts of the movie, the door chase scene. Here we go and take the best scene and realize it..really big. We build a "scare factory" right in behind where Peter Pan is, you know, the old skyride building. In it we see scenes from the movie, animatronic Boo, all that jazz. We board giant doors, again a suspended coaster, with tiers of passengers on either side of the door. We go through all the scenes, and go through the lift hill and get sent through scene after scene of all the doors they encounter in the movie, at one point going vertically through one scene....hard to do inverted, I know. The apex of the ride will be blasting through a door and going outside over the Magic Kingdom, fantasy land to be exact, then back in through the building, passing by each of the other cars making it seem like a frantic door chase during business hours as they go hurling past you. You end with the coaster locking back down into the door holder and boo running off...something like that.

3.Mystery Mine: Yes, when the check clears I'm buying Mystery Mine. I've got to. It's one of the best coasters I've ever been on. It has everything I love, intensity, good elements, and great themeing. Only, you know I can never leave well enough alone. I'm going to make it bigger, and by bigger I mean build a new building with even more options. You go outside like normal, but when you go back inside, you go down one of three tracks with all new elements. One element will be an escape from a rockslide, as rocks fall around you, another will be a chase by ghosts who died when the mine collapsed, and we'll keep the third one as it is.


2.Alien Abduction: Last year I spoke with a guy named Brian Temmur. He was working with the city of Roswell New Mexico to bring the "Alien Apex" resort to life, and with all of that, the Alien Abduction coaster. As we all know, projects like this fall flat. But I love the idea...and though I had no clue what his coaster was all about, I'd love to give it a shot. Now thats faith in someone, you'd be willing to buy and build their coaster without having a clue what it is. Actually, its more curiosity than anything.

1.Kingda Kong: The last item on the list is the worlds tallest fastest roller coaster....only, different. I've always thought these big ass coasters were one trick pony's. They go fast and high...and done. I want more to it. I say we go through, yes a dark ride portion, where we see huge animatronics of Kong fighting dinosaurs, the boat ride, and we end with the climatic battle of Kong perched atop the Empire State building with the blond. We are hurled outside and up the tower where we see a huge 40 foot Kong on top of Ka with a live blond in her hand. Dont ask me about the story of why we get hurled outside, its just a fantasy dammit. But that would make the whole trip a little more enjoyable, and worth the feeling of panic and dread I'd have about going on the monster.

So thats my coaster collection. Yeah, not all of it's real, but who cares, when my lotto check clears its going to be happy.

Tell me your dream coasters in the forums.

Til next time, keep your pants on.......Launch lifters.