Tap Dat Ass

So this week I was going to talk about one of my favorite pasttimes, drinking in the parks, and bitch (you expected anything else?) about the parks you couldnt...but something happened on the way to the blog. InBev, the second largest beer company in the world just became the first. How did they do that? Well, you must have been hiding under a rock, because they bought the biggest, I'm talking of course about Anheuser-Busch. It's one of the last great American beer companies, and now...its not.

Last month InBev offered A-B over 60 billion dollars to buy everything out right, it was refused. This month they put an end to the hostile takeover bid, and agreed to take on the Anheuser-Busch name. It is unclear whether or not the company will close up shop in the states (something a lot of foreign companies tend to do when they buy American) and set up shop in Belgium, but perhaps not with this decrease in the buying price and the flexibility to keep the name. I'm not going to pretend to understand the business of money, and what finally went down. The one thing I am concerned with, probably the same thing you are.....Busch Entertai....excuse me, Worlds Of Discovery.

Whats going to happen? Will they keep the parks? Will they sell off? Will the things that made the Busch parks great get thrown to the wind because of the need to cut budget? The cliched answer is Time Will Tell...I like to stay away from Cliche's,but it works here.

The most important thing remains unanswered...Will the Busch Parks continue to give free beer? Will they now incorporate InBev beers which include Stella Artois? Think about this, you are allowed two beers per I.D. and now you have over 30 different beers to choose from for that sweet taste of free nectar. It's almost as good as getting to choose your Playboy Playmate to take to prom, with the promise of.....well, ya know. Lets hope thats the way they go, and they pretty much leave it be, and realize they have a good thing with the parks.

And that brings me to my favorite pasttime, drinking in the parks...ya see it all works out. Sea World and Busch Gardens are some of the best parks because of the free beer. Other parks do good at the beer and wine selection, but none others are free, and none offere something like beer school to get even more free beer. But lets look at the programs that are offered.

Disney:

Okay, we all know where I'm going with it. Thats right, Drinking Around the World at EPCOT. The idea is simple, you start in Mexico and try to drink your way all the way back to the UK..or is it Canada...stopping at a bar in every single country and grabbing a brew. The only problem is, that its a long walk! It's also pretty damn expensive. I know most people though who skip the rest of the lands and go straight to the U.K. for the YARDS OF BEER! I personally have never made it, I am either too drunk to go on or I run out of money half way through.

Universal:

Okay, so nothing near as cool as D.A.T.W., but you can kind of make your own deal with it by drinking around the Islands. It's kind of the same, only different...and the biggest problem is that not all Islands have their own drink. You're pretty much limited to Triple Threat Extinction at Jurassic Park, Dragon Scale Ale at Lost Continent, and Nectar of the Gods at Mythos. But go to the clubs in CityWalk and of course the hotels and you can get sloshed at a pretty good rate. My favorite drink? The Incredible Hulk of course! Its Hennesey floated ontop of Hypnotiq, or the the other way around...then you make it angry....and watch the transformation! It's good and too many will FUCK YOU UP! And of course this should only be done when staying on site at either Disney or Universal, because its no good to drink and drive.

Thats really all I've got on the different places to drink...because most of the other parks dont serve alcohol, or they dont have anything special.

But I'd like to see something at Six Flags:

DRINK TIL YA HURL! Simple concept, you get a refillable yard...and you drink whatever the drink of the day is. And refills are free. Then you ride. And you drink. And you ride. And you drink..and sooner or later, you're going to hurl. At that point, you're cut off and you cant drink anymore.

But with every time I have to drink at parks I definately have a couple of times when you shouldnt drink.

The biggest no no is Halloween Horror Nights. Now I know you're out without the kids, or maybe your mom and dad let you out of their sight, but there is something about getting liquored up and then getting the piss scared out of you that doesnt mix. For most people its the "Liquid Courage" Factor...that is, you become invincible and want to take on every one who jumps out and scares you. Thats their job, thats what you pay for...letting some poor kid who's getting paid minimum have it in the head because the scare the beer down your leg just isnt cool. For others its the scared so bad you fall down. This is where you become off balanced because you're drunk and you get scared so bad you fall all over yourself when someone jumps out. You could get hurt, or you could hurt someone else.

Any kind of family friendly event i.e. Thrills in the Hills, Mickey's not so Scary, and school field trips. Its plain and simple. When you drink with kids around you set an example, that teaches them to drink, and so on....also there are so many people who cant control themselves and being drunk and beligerent around younger kids is really frowned upon. Oh, and if you're a teacher on a field trip...yeah, not good.....mom and dad might try to get you fired.

But the biggest thing is to go with someone responsible. Have fun, but make sure they have your back...otherwise its a short ride from the park to the slammer, or worse.

Some fun park drinking games:

Have a group of friends and stand under a coaster. Take a drink every time a woman screams.

Drink everytime someone says "say cheese". Yeah, it goes hand in hand with parks.

Take a shot every time you see a fanny pack. This one is really easy to get blasted, and it really boils down to how much money you have for drinks.

Til Next time, keep your pants on......chugaluggers.

Drown your sorrows on the forums.