Declassified Park Survival Guide: Universal

I've been wondering why I am on In the Loop, and part of the Coaster Crew lately. I mean, I dont live up north, I am not a huge fan of the coasters. And really, I think that Six Flags AND Cedar Fair both suck. So whats my purpose? Hell if I know, really. But I did get an interesting call from a friend of mine.
"Erik..why the hell is there a giant wall up at Universal?"

"Um...they're building a Harry Potter Land"

"Oh wow man, so how do I get to mummy?"

"Go out the park, hang a left towards Hard Rock, go up the stairs and behind Hard Rock Cafe, you'll see a little gate...go in there, hang a left at Jimmy Nuetron, Hang a right at the Monsters Cafe, take your first left and you'll see it."

"Damn dude, you arent even here! You should write this crap down! You'd make a fortune!"

Well, he was wrong...I wont make a fortune. There's so many different books out there to guide you through the parks. There's also a bunch of crap in those books, and no one really knows the latest info. Chances are the books are written by people who go once a year. Hey, good for them. But this is the real guide. I'm going to tell you what to see, what to miss, and who should see it. On Top of that, I'm going to break it down for ya into park categories. Who wants to read the normal 32 paragraphs I normally write for each park? So this week I'll plunge right into my favorite park, Universal Studios Florida.

The key to doing this park is to go early. Thats the key to doing all parks really. Gates usually open at 9 a.m. but you can usually get a jump on the crowds by showing up at 8:15 during the normal times. 7:45 during Christmas and Summer. Yes, I said 7:45. Get in line at the front gate, and be patient.

Now the first thing you'll need to do is grab a park map, usually outside of the gate. Certain attractions open at different times. This is a cool deal, because it allows the park to slowly get busy. It sucks in that you cant run and hit something like JAWS, because it opens later. Also they have show times listed. There are several things you dont want to miss show wise, but we'll get to that later.

First stop...Shrek 4-D.

Shrek 4D is 3D movie where the seats move. You have to be about 36 inches high to go on it, and you should be able to handle jerking movements as the seats rattle. Little kids might want to avoid this as it has scary spiders. Teens might want to avoid it as its all about the first Shrek film and kind of dull, and the preshow is lame. This also tends to get busy really fast. So do it, get it over with and move on with your day.

Next stop is Jimmy Nuetron. Again, this is a simulator. They have a lot of those. The line gets stupid...and the attraction is just passable. Again, you have to be something like 36 to 40 inches, and older kids are going to find this a bore. It follows the adventures of Jimmy Nuetron, Carl and Sheen as they go through the Nicktoon Studios that are no longer at Universal. Kids love this, and dont get it, because a lot of the cartoon characters are no longer on Nick.

Once you get out, run to the Mummy. Dump off your stuff, and I mean all your stuff, bags, cameras purses, everything...dump it out in the free lockers. They dont let you ride with stuff, and if you dont dump it, they will make you go back. Now if the line says shorter than 20 mintues, its a pretty decent walk and you should be able to ride in no time. Longer than that, trust me on this, do the Single Riders line. It does mean you'll be seperated from your party, but hey you get to ride much faster than waiting.

Next stop Disaster. This was Earthquake, but they redid it. It basically takes you on a comedic tour of "Disaster Studios" where Christopher Walken interacts with the audience. The rest is hilarity. You can be chosen to participate in the show, and it does give you a good idea at how the stunts work. Once done with the filming session, its on to the ride, where you are acting in a earthquake scene. On the ride back you get to see the trailer for your film. The ride is fun, and a good time, though there are some sexual inneundos in it, and the kids may not get some of the references.

Onward to Simpsons. Seriously, skip JAWS and MIB for now. You'll get back to them. Simpsons gets busy fast, really fast, and honestly if you dont want to wait more than 30 minutes for it, you'll want to head there first and play catch up with the rest of your day. Simpsons is a simulator, but a fun one. It has a few effects, and it follows the family through Krustyland after Sideshow Bob. Height limit is something like 42 inches, so little ones cant ride.

MIB is the next on the list, and you'll want to do this at least once, maybe twice. If the sign says more than 15 minutes, single riders will be open and though you wont get to compete with your buddies, you will be able to ride quicker, and possibly more than once. The secret to maxing out your score? Aim small, and far away. Once the light blinks, keep hitting in the same spot until you get past it, and keep that trigger held down. You can get the black suit, I know you can! Height limit for little ones under, I think 40 inches.

JAWS never has too much of a line, and it can eat a lot of people...the ride doesnt eat you...well it does...oh never mind. No height limit, but you do have a shark trying to kill you. Fire, some fish guts and a big ass scary shark.

My ultimate tips:

If you want to see everything, and I mean everything here's what I do. Start at the beginning of the park. Work your way towards the back and hit every single attraction. Wait for things like Twister and E.T. These are good rides that have really short wait times and really big processing availabilities...basically when one show is done the next one starts. Do the shows as your next to last thing you do in the park, ride the rides first...they get the most crowded.

My favorite show is the Horror Make Up show, its funny, and its a little gory. Kind of scary for little little kids, but my 7 year old loves the knife part, so you know it cant be all that bad. BeetleJuice is okay, lots of music, and fun for all. It does have some innuendo, so parents cover your kids ears. Animal Actors is really fun, but very time consuming. You can literally walk in right before the show starts and get a decent seat...but if you want to get picked for audience participation, be there first.

Same with Fear Factor, not always busy, but the way to participate means you have to get there early.

T-2 3D is a great show, but not worth waiting a really long time for. Its the preshow that eats the most time. It's best saved for last.

Now for those height limits. Just because the tinkler cant go on it doesnt mean you cant. Leave the tyke with someone else and tell them to go to the child swap area. They have this for Mummy, MIB, Simpsons and ET and is right off the ride exit. What happens then is whoever waits with the kid can go and ride the ride. It's good for getting double rides, but thats kind of against the rules, so I wouldnt recommend it.

Blues Brothers is a good way to wait with a young one, they play it right outside the Mummy building and they have one usually every hour or so.

Eating is a must, and just like every park they have some great ones and some not so great ones. Burgers are best at Richters, but if you want table service go to the Irish resturaunt (cant remember the name right now) or to Lombards Landing. Both are really good and both have a pretty wide variety of food.

If you plan on being at the park all day, or eating more than once, the Meal Deal is the best bet. For 20 bucks you pretty much get all you can eat at each one of the counter service resturaunts (not the cookie or candy or ice cream shops or road side stands).

Remember the free lockers on Mummy and MIB. They are kind of a pain, but if you want to ride more than once you can do so, and you can leave your stuff. You can also get pretty cheap locker deals so you can leave your stuff in.

My absolute favorite thing about Universal is the Streetmosphere stuff. All the characters walking around interacting with everyone and taking pictures. No lines, not a lot of rules, and a lot of fun.

Now comes the last part, and probably one my favorites. Special Events. There are a few special events at the Studios, those are (in order) Mardi Gras, Rock the Universe, Halloween Horror Nights and Macy's Day Parade.

Mardi Gras is awesome. Floats, beads, colorful characters, and a concert. The best part is that its all included with your park admission. It runs for like 3 months, every Saturday so if you miss it once, you can get a fix the next week...but watch out, the concerts dont repeat.

Halloween Horror Nights is my favorite, hands down. For 23 nights you can get the shit scared out of you with 8 houses, 5 scare zones and 3 shows. Not to mention, almost all the rides are open. This is a seperate event, and you'll need another ticket for it besides your daytime ticket, but its really worth it.

Rock the Universe is the Christian thing. It's an extra ticket, and its always crowded. I dont like it, I dont go...the kids are punks. All I can say honestly. If you like Christian Music and like to do that whole thing....go for it, I hear Christians really dig it....I hated it.

Macy's Day Parade runs around Christmas and runs just about everyday at 5. Loads of characters, candy, floats from the real parade, and Santa! It's really pretty cool, an its all free.

Thats all I have for now.I'll be back in few weeks with the Survival guide to IOA.
If you want to see what I'm talking about, check out the vid on Youtube.

Til next time, keep your pants on......linejumpers.
Debrief in the forums.