The Battle of Orlando

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls. Thank you for stopping by my little sliver of the internet. Don’t be shy, just step right up and gather round. The tale I’m going to weave for you today is one for the ages, and not to be missed. Allow me to introduce myself, I’m Erik, keeper of the kept, and master of the inept.

This is the place where dreams come true! Okay, so you cant gamble, and the hookers here are really nasty and filled with diseases of every creed color and nationality, but Orlando is the number one tourist destination in the world. Well, until Dubai unzips and lays down its proverbial John Holmes on the world. Until then, there are more parks in the square mileage of Orlando than pretty much anywhere. You have four Disney Parks, Two Disney Water Parks, Two Universal Parks, Wet N Wild, Sea World, Aquatica, Discovery Cove, Wet N Wild, and less than an hour away you have Cypress Gardens Busch Gardens and Adventure Island. Add in the fact that you also have a huge collection of mini golf, go kart tracks and more shopping dining and golf than any other place in the world and you can see why Orlando is the number one spot. But how do you choose where to go? I dont know its your damn vacation why you asking me....I dont know anything bout your fuc....Ahem.

I'm not going to tell you where to go....okay I'm not going to tell you where to go in Orlando. But I will tell you that every single park is fighting for your dollar. Yeah, no shit. It all started with a mouse....you know that same old crap. But Magic Kingdom gave way to Sea World which gave way for EPCOT, which gave way to Universal Studios Florida which made the push for MGM(now Hollywood Studios) to get built quicker, and so on and so forth and blah blah blah. Orlando is a mecca for theme park fans, and as you can tell they all want to one up each other. This doesnt even count BGT and Cypress Gardens, only the parks in Orlando are here...those two lost souls have a problem all their own, get people's asses out of Orlando.

But the main three in Orlando are of course Disney, Sea World and Universal. Each of which has at least one off shoot, water parks, shopping districts, eateries and the list goes on. It's mind boggling, but when one does something big, the others follow suit.

Prime example, when Disney found out Universal Studios was coming to Orlando they rushed to build their own movie studio park with MGM. It was rushed, and it suffered because of it. The park only had a few signature attractions, but they were big with Tower of Terror, and Star Tours. When Busch Gardens had their big overhaul, Disney announced Animal Kingdom...and when the budget for that was too big, a bunch of Imagineers got the axe and Islands of Adventure was born. And most recently, Universal announces the biggest money maker of the past few years, namely Harry Potter, and everyone in Orlando goes bug shit.

Sea World rushes Aquatica, Disney announces Toy Story Mania, and a huge overhaul for Hollywood Studios as well as a return to classic names, and of course more Pixar, including overhauling many of its classic attractions to make them fit the company standards again. Of course Sea World announced that it will be unveiling a new coaster, bringing its total big ride count to 3, and Universal, looking for a quick fix will put a coaster in the Studios next year as well. It's all out war.

Add on top of that the rising gas prices and shortage of jobs and its a war that it may be difficult to pick a winner.

So, which one will you pick? Lets look at the options.

We'll look at Families. This is the core audience of all of Orlando. This is the big one the parks want to get. You're talking two adults, and two or more kids. Thats big money in admissions, and of course they have to eat, drink, and buy useless crap such as T's. If your guests have to spend money on transportation, then that limits how much money they have to spend on other things, so the best thing for them is to stay on site where everything is within walking distance, or where people can hitch a free ride to things like eateries and shopping as well as the parks.

So look at overall value. Universal has two parks and an offsite water park...a short bus ride or walk away. Three onsite hotels, all with world class resturaunts and its in the middle of Orlando. Take also into account a party atmosphere and movies, plus the free Express (fastpass to you mouseheads) when you stay onsite giving you more time to do whatever, and Universal looks pretty good.

However, Disney has 4 parks, two waterparks onsite, an entertainment district, many of the conviences of home and the fact that you can hike a bus boat or monrail to anywhere you want to go and you dont have to leave Disney property, Disney seems like a smart choice.

But, with tickets at Universal being less than $100 dollars for 7 days, the annual passes giving you huge discounts on everything from extra tickets and food to even hotels, you start having the value shine through. Not to mention, Disney onsite stuff is onsite....but thats a big damn site. It takes no less than 15-20 minutes to go from park to park, and nevermind the fact that you have triple the number of people because it has 10 times the amount of hotels.

So lets tally a score.

Value:Universal

Convience:Disney

Crowds:Universal

Time Management:Universal

Sorry Sea World, but in those categories, you're just pissin in the wind. Until you get some onsite hotels and maybe another little park....you're just not big enough to ride. I will say, however, that Sea World has one of the best deals where you can pay for one day....and go back all year long. Then you have their Platinum Passport, good for two years and all the Busch Parks....great if you travel.

But the typical person really doesnt care about things like Convience, and Crowds...if they did they wouldnt go on the busiest weekends. They care about rides. Plain and simple, and with a typical family with kids of varying ages, you better have a wide variety.

Sea World:

3 big rides, Kraken, Wild Arctic and Journey to Atlantis. Two of which scare the living hell out of my little one. There is a huge kids section with at six kids rides and a huge play area. Factor in all the animal attractions, the shows and exhibits and free beer. Sea World earns its millions of visitors every year.

Universal:

We know that its more of a value, we know that you can stay onsite and skip the lines. We know its my absolute favorite park. But what about everything else? Two parks give plenty of stuff to do, but lets look. Islands has 4 coasters, two big water rides, and a huge drop tower. You cant convince mom and dad to spend a lot of time here. Hulk, Doom, Dragons, Dudley, and JPRA arent really kid friendly. Storm, Popeye, Flyers, Camp Jurassic, the Discovery Center, Flying Unicorn are. Not to mention Seuss Landing. A whole area based on Dr. Seuss!!! Well, unfortunately people see th coasters and nothing else. So Islands is a great place for families with coaster aged children, and those not afraid to see new things. Not a lot of shows, no parades....yeah, nothing to distract while the kids are waiting for dad and big brother to get off Hulk.

The Studio's are quite the opposite. Loads of shows, characters roaming the streets, kid friendly rides like Shrek and Jimmy Neutron, and thrills like the Mummy. Add in the shows and character meet a greets and you have something for everyone.

Disney...well, its disney. Magic Kingdom is for kids. EPCOT is for grown ups. MGM is for coaster aged kids, and Animal Kingdom...well, its a little of everything for everyone. The thrills tend to be more mild, but they are classic thrills. There are distractions such as parades and shows for the younger kids, and of course the characters.Again, the older kids get bored and tend to shy away wanting to go to Universal. Then of course you have characters beating the crap out of people, kids dying on the rides and Walt's Frozen Head devouring spanish children and you can see where some people shy away.

So lets tally some more votes.

Variety:Disney

Number of Attractions:Disney

Distractions: Disney

Thrills: Universal

Small Children: Disney

There you have it. In the Battle of Orlando, Sea World, while a worthy advesary, is lost in the charge. While Universal wins the battle with things like value and convience, Disney wins the War because of sheer size and variety. Dont get me wrong, there are many other things that I could pick apart and make it slanted so that Universal wins...I've seen people do that with Disney.....but I wanted to be fair here. And actually all the parks are great, but when it comes to your dollars, Disney tries harder, and wins. Magic Kingdom doesnt have the highest attendance in the world for nothing after all. But can it keep it up? Will the boy wizard hex the mouse? Will a flying stingray swoop in a win for Sea World? I dont know, but I hope the war never ends because honestly the people who go to the parks win. I will say this, however, big names do not big crowds make. Look at the Simpsons. HUGE name, but I just dont think it will be the winner this year, nor do I think that Toy Story Mania will be. Lets face it, they're both great rides, but mediocre when you look at those two parks standards.

So until next time keep your pants on.....mirth makers.

Discuss in the forums, or else...I dunno...I guess I just make boo boo faces.