So a few weeks back I put together the survival guide for the Studios. At the end I promised a look at Islands of Adventure (IOA to the initiated). I have a problem with that for a big reason. Harry Potter. I love IOA, probably one of my favorite parks ever but it's really ceasing to be what I loved. The Lost Continent is all but dead, sure Dragons is still there, and Sindbad is still there, but for how long? They're going to change it, having already ripped out a fixture of the land, the Enchanted Oak, and closing the Flying Unicorn. So quite frankly not having that land it's kind of unfair to have a complete guide if you dont have the complete park.
On the other hand, I have recently re-discovered a park that I dont get to go to much because of the distance it is away from me, that of course being Busch Gardens Tampa...Africa...Dark....how about we call it BG Tampfrica. Busch Gardens is a 335 acre African wonderland nestled in the East side of Tampa Bay. It was opened in 1959 as a free admission hospitality center for the brewery that used to be onsite there. Originally known for free beer and its tropical gardens where animals roamed free, Busch Gardens Tampfrica is now known as the coaster capital of Florida with six distinctly different coasters, a huge animal habitat and of course free beer.
Get a good start:
Of course like at all parks the key to doing the whole park is to get a very early start. At least a half hour before the park opens, if not sooner, should guarantee at least two hours of no lines. If you can do so, get the preferred parking, it takes you about a half a mile closer to the front gate and you dont have to get on the tram. Besides getting to do the rides with no lines the other distinct advantage is that this is an animal park and animals are early risers. We've gotten a few gator teeth from the people cleaning the gator pond, to being able to feed giraffes to even watching apes....spank the monkey, just from being there early. As the day lingers on and gets hotter, and it will, the animals tend to find shade and get lazy not making appearances as often.
The Coasters: Most of you want to ride. Thats why we love to go to the parks, its not for the animals...its for the rides. So here's the best way to get all six coasters in before the lines hit. The order really matters. First stop is Gwazi, the GCI wooden half lion/half tiger/half traction accident. It's located to the left of the park entrance. You can manage to get not only front row rides on this but front row rides on both trains before you get any wait. Height limit is 48 inches so little kids cant ride, and the seats are kind of tight so big asses may have a hard time.
Then double back to the complete other side of the park and hit Montu, the B&M Inverted with a huge batwing. Of course you'll be able to wait a few minutes at this point and ride front row, but really any row is good on this one. Now here's where it gets tricky....and you'll want to pay attention. Do not follow the path back around, you'll get lost. The path takes you around the Serengeti plain and back again, a giant loop to see animals....valuable time lost. Instead take the path to the Skyride. Of course you're going to fly right over Rhino Rally, Scorpion and Cheetah Chase, but honestly you can get back to those later. No, you want to go to the big ones first. The skyride gives you valuable air time so you can rest your feet, and it takes you over the crowd faster for a 3-6 minute ride instead of a 20 minute walk. From the air you'll also see loads of animals and get a good aerial view of the park. It will dump you out in the Congo section right at the mouth of Kumba...or you can wait and hit Sheikra....yeah, I'd hit it first. Run toward Sheikra and drop til you...well..drop. It doesnt matter where you sit, its a good ride, but the earlier you are the better chance you have of being slid upfront. Fat people no worries, every row has modified seating for your comfort. After Sheikra run back over towards Kumba, nestled back behind the Congo area. Kumba is a standard B&M sit down coaster, and has your standard B&M elements. At one time it was the tallest coaster in Florida....not a bit feat seeing that the tallest point is a crap little attraction called spook hill...but another story another day.
Jump off of Kumba and dash towards Timbuktu, towards the front and left of the park where you'll find Scorpion, and Cheetah Chase. Both smaller coasters, and really not worth any kind of wait, so if the lines are long...skip em...but by this time they wont be.
Non Coaster Stuffs:
Little Timmy too short? Suzy too afraid of the big scary coasters? I feel ya, unfortunately there arent too many non coaster rides at BGT. No big dark rides, nothing really for the whole family. But there are several things just for kids.
Land of Dragons is an interactive kids play ground on the West side of the park with nets, ball pits a bunch of fountains and a whole bunch of kiddie flat rides. Problem is most kids are too big for this by age 6, and cant ride any of the little stuff. There are animals along the way such as huge iguanas and Komodo Dragons.
Lory Landing is fun first thing in the morning because you can pay a little cash get a little tub of food and have birds blanket you fighting for food. I've actually had a Lory nest in my ear....yeah, its that big.
Tidal Wave is huge, and right around the same area as Sheikra. It's got a big drop and thats about it. It's a good way to get wet, and a good way to kill about 8 minutes.
Stanleyville Log Flumes is right next to Sheikra and is pretty high in capacity. It's also not as tall as Tidal Wave so little ones may like to ride better.
Congo River Rapids is huge and will soak you to the bone. It's good for getting wet and having your shoes make farting noises when you walk.
Timbuktu is home to not only Scorpion and Cheetah Chase but also many flat rides for both kids and older folks. They have the little airplanes, a scrambler and an inverter ship. Not to mention its also home to the horrific Pirates 4D attraction. To think they tore down a really good Dolphin show for this piece.
Rhino Rally is a hell of a lot of fun, and to me in the same vein as Jungle Cruise at MK with a mix of Kilimanjaro Safaris at AK. It mixes an animal tour with the smart ass commentary of Jungle Cruise and is a lot of fun. It gets long lines fast and is really not worth the wait when the water portion isnt working, but it does get you really close to the animals. Actual transcript from my last ride:
Ride Op: Okay, who can tell me what those big sweaty things are to your left?
Me: My wife?
Ride Op: (stopping the vehicle and looking at me) Did you just say your wife? Dude, you're so not getting any tonight.
They dont take their jobs seriously and it makes it a lot of fun, they also tend to stray from the script with things like "LOOK PINK CHICKENS ON STILTS!". Personality goes a long way.
There are so many different animal attractions, I'm not going to name them all, but if you want to see an animal..they have em, and will most likely have it out roaming around. We got to see a hedgehog! I'm not talking Sonic and I dont mean Ron Jeremy (though I've seen him more times than I care to).
Jungala:
Yes this area is so cool it gets its own section. Jungala is brand new, and its awesome. You not only have a bigger kids play area with a jump tower, and zip lines, but you also have the most immersive animal habitats possibly in the world. You can get face to face with Orangutangs, go under water and see Crocodiles lurking, go out in the middle of a Gibbon refuge and even crawl in a box with a tiger. Seriously, this place was worth the lack of coaster for this year. We must have spent about 2 hours staring at the tigers, from the bengal tigers to the white bengals, to moms and kittens to the tiger tug of war...it was fantastic.
The tangs, they're lazy...but again early in the morning and they're active as hell walking around the island outside and pressing the button to squirt people on the inside.
The highlight however has got to be the kids rides nestled neatly away the nooks and cranny's of the place. The Wild Surge was a blast and not crowded, as we stayed on for about ten mintues bopping up and out of the waterfall and cave. The zip lines I was naturally too fat for, but the kids loved it...though they were rather simple...out and back.
Add loads of places to eat and lots of photo ops and you have a great day at the park, lets hope that In Bev doesnt screw it up.
Til next time, keep your pants on......busch hoppers.
As you all may know, or even if you dont, or if you dont care....I've been on a diet. Here at Coaster Crew Mr. Novak and I entered into a contest we like to call the biggest loser. The goal was to lose as much weight as safely possible. We opened to you our faithful members who also were a little too large to fit on the coasters, and some of you responded. We were supposed to have this huge great prize, and an amazing weigh in at Hard Rock Park. As with a lot of things we do, we had no follow through and Hard Rock Park cut its hours. We let you guys down. I'm sorry. I think between Clint and myself we can put together a great prize for those who stuck it out without cheating. You see, both Clint and myself have used chemicals to help us perform better. Alli, to be exact. I've had great luck with it, and no pooping in my pants. Clint? Not so lucky. So, on we went with the great diet. I dont know what happened to Novak, but he's still in the less than 20lbs area...maybe he's over that..no idea. I, however, reached the magic number of 40lbs total weight loss today. It's a great feeling to have your pants fall off, to have women looking at you with that "come hither" look, and to be able to fit into coasters again. On top of that it's had a great side effect of looking better naked, and not waking up in pain from aching knees and back. It's been hard. I've been exercising on a regular basis, eating healthy, cutting out all the soda, candy, fat fried foods...everything bad. Eating carrots, fruit and other vegetables. One downside to this of course was the fact I had to give up wholly fattening, but terribly delicious food such as the decadent cheeseburgers and french fries of Five Guys burgers in Vero Beach. They are a bit of a chain, but goddamn are they good. So good in fact that I frequented them enough for the manager to know me by name. So today, for the first time in 3 months, I ventured in and walked up to the manager. "Erik? Is that you?" he said. Let me tell ya, that feels really good. "Yeah, how've you been?" "I'm great! Where the hell you been, and what happened?" "Well...been on a diet. Lost 40 lbs." "Thats terrific! You sure you want to do this then?" "Oh yeah." Normally I would order a bacondouble cheeseburger, two large fries and a coke. Enough for 2 people and then some. Today....slightly less. A little cheeseburger, no mayo, onions or mushrooms, a large fry, and a bottle of water. Yeah, some splurge, but let me say its hard to in good concience slip into that eating again. I've worked so hard, and it was a battle of wills to even go in. Let me also say that I had the entire family with me, and it was a split affair with the fries. So we get our food, and I open the bag. Dear lord...I had missed that warm grease smell so much. The first bite into the burger, I almost shed a tear. It was so fucking delicious. Why is it that things that taste so good are so bad for us? I could feel my cleaned out arteries shrinking away in pain, this is the stuff heart attacks are made of. Fries were also a no no on the diet. I made short work of them. It's simply amazing the things you take for granted, I never would have thought these fattening, artery clogging greaseballs to be anything close to heaven sent six months ago...but you take it away for a while. Damn, it's as close to sex as I want to get with my clothes on. Even still, as I sit here basking in the after glow of the orgasmic love of food that I once again experienced for the first time in almost three months, I feel as if I cheated on my spouse...the and betrayed the relationship that I forged with healthy living. I only hope that she can forgive me, and wont punish me too badly on the scales next week. Til next time...I've got to get to the toilet. -Erik
I logged onto my email today and saw a few updates from the Chainsawwolf page staring at me. "Bloody Mary makes an appearance!" Chainsawwolf is a site run by the legendary scareactor Chainsawolf who has been HHN forever, and they have the devoted followers that scour the net for any info they could get. Today, Jared from the wolf boards posted this:
"So after staring at the skull on Tab III, I saw the two figures of people in there and it reminded me of that classic optical illusion of the two people playing poker, that is also inside of a skull. Then I thought, this can't just be coincidence. So I went back and looked at Tab II and it has a very similar round > shape to Tab III, with things being places in similar spots. So I then thought, what if you stack all of the Tabs together in photoshop? I think you guys would like to see the result."
Here's the result.
Great find Jared...fucking amazing thought, something I dont have the patience for. And this is what true horror fans do...they spend every waking moment looking for some kind of clue to whats next. I guess I'm not as true blue as some...then again, horror dont pay my bills.
Halloween Horror Nights is starting to pick up full steam. Most of you really have no idea what its all about, but dont worry.....you will. I'll make sure of that, and I hope to convert at least one of the Crew into a bloodletter or goregetter. Well, what you dont know, and may not hear is what almost was. Sure, we're not 100% of what the hell to expect this year, but so far, so good. We have what looks like a lady icon, and a serious lady icon. She has the brains, she has the nerve, and most of all...she has the blood lust. She's going to be putting people into vicarious positions of danger while enjoying every minute of it, all in the name of...science....right. She was a shrink that did research on phobias and had an unorthodox way of studying them...by putting her patients into their fears and seeing how far they would go to avoid them. We dont know how they'll string all of these fears together, or how effective the good doctor will be, but we do know her name....or at least what we think her name will be....Bloody Mary.
But the one thing that you really dont know is the HHN that almost was...or is it still there? Universal has so many creative minds working for them, such as the great J. Michael Roddy (who was on In The Loop) Mike Aiello (who has excellent taste in movies...Death Proof KILLS!) And T.J. Mannarino (the mastermind of the macabre celebration for quite sometime now). That, however, doesnt convince marketing because they conduct countless surveys every year on what people would like to see. One such survey asked about Urban Legends and which one would scare you......hmmmm....seems like people liked that idea.
Another survey that went around had four possible ideas for themes, each revolving around an icon in horror.
1.)George Romero's original Night of The Living Dead, having it's 40th anniversary.
2.)Lions Gate films, including Saw, Halloween and Hostel
3.)Jill, an all new icon who ran away to the circus and was the main squeeze of another HHN Icon...
4.)The many books of Stephen King
All of these were somewhat good ideas, with one great one...but they all presented problems
1.)An event full of zombies? Great in theory, but one zombie house or area is enough. Now make Marvel Zombies and I'm there.
2.)Last year we had New Line films with Freddy, Jason and Leatherface. The movie thing has been done, and it had people screaming "sell out". Besides, these films are less horror and more slasher...blood doesnt neccessarily equal scary.
3.)Jill..Jack and Jill. We've had enough clowns. Sure a female icon would be great, one thats scary, but not another damn clown!
4.)Stephen King is a smart man. Maybe too smart. He'd want an awful lot of money for the rights to his books.....but most of his really scary books have been movies...some of which werent so scary. Some stuff from his books were translated different in the movies...(example: The hatchet in the Shining was originally a denver croquet mallet...whats a denver croquet mallet...it's like a regular mallet, only really fucking big.) So people may be confused when they go to the book versions....then again, they could go with the movies...but the studios who made the movies owns those rights, not Stephen King...they'd have to pay twice...so that tossed that idea out the window. Or did it?
Now this is pure speculation, and purely based on the rumored names of all the houses and the site coming from the site. With that said, my esteemed friend Preston S. Popp(esquire! And I am Erik Erikdore Logan, and together we are WYL....sorry...) and I started looking at some of the imagery and how the King may not have disappeared after all.
Case #1-We are shown pictures of symbols and scarecrows. The rumored house that goes with this is "The Hallow". The book...tough call there, but I'm thinking kind of Pet Semetary. Preston pointed out the ritualistic drawings and the whole "druid" feel to it....kind of like a lost ancient Indian Tribe. What gets me is the headless man...his head is ate in half and he seems to be walking....like someone who's come back.
Case #2-We are shown drawings of alien type symbols and told an astronaut is scared of the end of the world. This is a long shot, but a lot of folks believe this to be "Interstellar Terror" which to me screams space....and aliens. Stephen King book? Tommyknockers or Dreamcatcher. Both have to do with aliens wanting to enslave humanity and end our way of life....but Dreamcatcher has buttworms....dont know...I'm leaning Tommyknockers on this one.
Case #3-I SEE DEAD PEOPLE! ON CAMERA! This one is kind of hard, the only real Stephen King story to deal with something similar is Cell. Basically a cell phone signal turns people into zombies....I know stretching it, but still....It's more likely based on "Shutter" which is not a King story. So we'll have to wait to see what "Dead Exposure" is.
Case #4-This one is obvious. You look at a comic book and in it there are spined tentacles. This one is obviously "Creatures" which is obviously "The Mist" in which other worldly creatures with huge spiny tentacles are let loose. The book, actually, is more about religion and the fact that people are sheep than big scary creatures....funny how things work. Kind of like how Night of the Living Dead is really about Racism.
Case #5-Here's where we're upto at this point on the site. The rumored house is "Scary Tales" and in it we hear of a lady who is afraid of stories...like fairy tales. So the good doctor has a bunch of lunatics chant stories ritualistic. I am at a loss on this one, but Preston seems to think it's Children of the Corn. There are reports that Cornfields are being grown in the house for this one, and we'll be lost inside of them while unseen forces walk among them. Kind of makes sense...but why fairy tales?
Other house names include Doomsday, Bloody Mary, Body Collectors. Doomsday, I hope is a take on "The Stand" which is an apocolyptic look at good and evil. Preston is leaning towards Bloody Mary being Misery...I dont see that one.....
But it is clear that some of the King's works were borrowed from...just a tiny bit....which is definately not a bad thing. After all, if it keeps you awake at night and engrains terrible visions in your head and keeps me looking to the closet for the ghost of a serial killer....then I dont mind the borrowing. But, could you only imagine an entire event? Walking down the halls of the hotel i Shining? Seeing two little girls and a river of blood? And Jack? He aint got shit on Pennywise! We All Float Down Here...
Til next time...Keep your pants on....scaredy cats.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls. Thank you for stopping by my little sliver of the internet. Don’t be shy, just step right up and gather round. The tale I’m going to weave for you today is one for the ages, and not to be missed. Allow me to introduce myself, I’m Erik, keeper of the kept, and master of the inept.
So last time I was compiling my top ten coasters that I'm going to buy when my lotto check finally clears. I made it to number 6 and the bank called....its taking a little longer than I expected, so to finish it up this week, here's the last 5. Again, some of these are great coasters, some of them are fake, but they're all fun...and products of my fantasy. 5.The Last Starfighter: Greetings Starfighter. You have been recruited by the Star League to defend the Frontier against Xur and the Kodan Armada. If you grew up in the 80's how can you not love this movie? If you didnt grow up in the 80's....your loss....this movie is going to be terrible to today's standards. But what kid didnt want to save the Universe by playing video games? This is a tough one, but it's completely a pipedream that they should come up with. Hell, they already use the music in Disney....Pat McCabe, can you tell me where?
So imagine the themeing! The frontier, Centari, Grig! All of them there in either face character mode or animatronics...matter of fact, lets make it animatronics. We start the ride as a dark ride, aboard gunstar coaster trains, we'll keep them small, and have them as suspended coasters...only the seats are on a type of gyroscope and you have controls. Each row has two seats, a navigator who has controls that control the speed of the coaster, and direction, and the gunner..we'll get more to that one later.We go through the different scenes of the movie, and we end the dark ride portion at the final battle, where Alex finds out that he is the last starfighter, as you go shooting off into "space", an indoor coaster where you are zipping up down and around the track, loads of floating ships firing at you as you pass. You then enter a lift hill at the bottom of a hill and spend your time shooting targets on the way up. Your chair spins completely around while the Navigator turns the ship with his controls. As you near the crest, you hear a voice say "Time for Death Blossom! The Weapon of last resort!" and you hit the red and white striped button. As you launch down the coaster track, your car goes spinning up and around the track, literally over the rail, as your chair and car go spinning. Yeah, it'll make you puke, and yeah, it's almost virtually impossible to accomplish, but dammit, it sounds fun as hell.
4.Monsters Inc.-Escape from Monstropolis: I know, I know, they're building a door coaster at Hollywood Studios. I know. However, let's take it out of Hollywood Studios, and build it my way. For this one, I'm going to get a key to Magic Kingdom, and be able to go anytime I want. In the movie Monsters Inc. Boo is being chased by the evil Randall in one of the most awe inspiring parts of the movie, the door chase scene. Here we go and take the best scene and realize it..really big. We build a "scare factory" right in behind where Peter Pan is, you know, the old skyride building. In it we see scenes from the movie, animatronic Boo, all that jazz. We board giant doors, again a suspended coaster, with tiers of passengers on either side of the door. We go through all the scenes, and go through the lift hill and get sent through scene after scene of all the doors they encounter in the movie, at one point going vertically through one scene....hard to do inverted, I know. The apex of the ride will be blasting through a door and going outside over the Magic Kingdom, fantasy land to be exact, then back in through the building, passing by each of the other cars making it seem like a frantic door chase during business hours as they go hurling past you. You end with the coaster locking back down into the door holder and boo running off...something like that.
3.Mystery Mine: Yes, when the check clears I'm buying Mystery Mine. I've got to. It's one of the best coasters I've ever been on. It has everything I love, intensity, good elements, and great themeing. Only, you know I can never leave well enough alone. I'm going to make it bigger, and by bigger I mean build a new building with even more options. You go outside like normal, but when you go back inside, you go down one of three tracks with all new elements. One element will be an escape from a rockslide, as rocks fall around you, another will be a chase by ghosts who died when the mine collapsed, and we'll keep the third one as it is.
2.Alien Abduction: Last year I spoke with a guy named Brian Temmur. He was working with the city of Roswell New Mexico to bring the "Alien Apex" resort to life, and with all of that, the Alien Abduction coaster. As we all know, projects like this fall flat. But I love the idea...and though I had no clue what his coaster was all about, I'd love to give it a shot. Now thats faith in someone, you'd be willing to buy and build their coaster without having a clue what it is. Actually, its more curiosity than anything.
1.Kingda Kong: The last item on the list is the worlds tallest fastest roller coaster....only, different. I've always thought these big ass coasters were one trick pony's. They go fast and high...and done. I want more to it. I say we go through, yes a dark ride portion, where we see huge animatronics of Kong fighting dinosaurs, the boat ride, and we end with the climatic battle of Kong perched atop the Empire State building with the blond. We are hurled outside and up the tower where we see a huge 40 foot Kong on top of Ka with a live blond in her hand. Dont ask me about the story of why we get hurled outside, its just a fantasy dammit. But that would make the whole trip a little more enjoyable, and worth the feeling of panic and dread I'd have about going on the monster.
So thats my coaster collection. Yeah, not all of it's real, but who cares, when my lotto check clears its going to be happy.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls. Thank you for stopping by my little sliver of the internet. Don’t be shy, just step right up and gather round. The tale I’m going to weave for you today is one for the ages, and not to be missed. Allow me to introduce myself, I’m Erik, keeper of the kept, and master of the inept.
I know that in the past I've said that I'm not that big a fan of coasters, but, I do like them. How can you not? So many types, so many varieties, so many different things they do. Wood or steel, hills or loops, so many people love them and they are the mainstay of any theme park. Would Hard Rock be worth a second look if it didnt have Led Zeppelin? Of course not. Themeing keeps the crowds entertained, but the coasters bring them in. This week I wanted to pick my favorite coasters for my personal collection that will be erected on my property, as soon as I win the lottery. Some of these I've been on, some I havent, some are completely made up...but they all are fun.
10.Dueling Dragons-Before Universal guts it, before Harry Potter rapes it, I want it. Pack it up, and give it to me. I want the queue line, I want the doom and gloom skull warning you. I want the skeletons in the wall having sex. I want it. This has been for about five years now my favorite ride. The design of the castle is by far the best environment ever. People hanging frozen in the ceiling, shields melted into the walls, a loan fleshy eyeball. It inspires a sense of wonder as you walk past the stained glass windows telling the story to the great book open and Merlins voice booming over you. The ride...well, its a great coaster, but here's somethings to make it better. On Fire, lets actually get the riders close to some fire! My version will have timed blasts going off all around you, and you're moving so quick, why not have a tunnel of fire to go through. Ice, thats a little tougher. You already have the wall to scale, and an ice tunnel would be redundant, so why not have icicles that crawl up thebuilding as you go. Maybe some snow blasts, or even a little A/C vent action. All good fun for the best coaster in the world.
9.Rockin Roller Coaster: Okay this is a good fun coaster. It's in the dark, and its great how it is. I hate that there are talks that Disney is going to retheme it. I wanted to say something along the lines of this coaster like "Starring METALLICA" but the more I thought about it, it's just not fitting. Aerosmith really nails the essence of the coaster where Metallica just kind of nails you in the face. A metallica coaster would hurt....a lot. No, RRC is great with the themeing, the story and how they whisk you away in a limo. I like it. Plus, funny story about my kids...isnt there always...my young man was very into going on this, until he got in line. A little girl pretty much shamed him into going on and as we hit that first drop, I felt his hand leave mine, his arms go in the air as he declared "THIS IS AWESOME!!!". For nostalgia, Disney, I'll take this one off your hands and put it in the back.
8.The Beast: I'm going to have one hell of a chunk of land here. I need something long and old to stand the test of time. The Beast still stands as one of the longest and oldest wooden coasters in existance. It's track is legendary, the air time phenomenal, and the only wooden roller coaster I know that has sex...Son of Beast might have been kind of rough, and but it proves that the Beast has a pecker, and you have to love that about a coaster.
7.Hulk Mountain: I used to love you Space Mountain. Hulk, you use to give me goosebumps. Now you both give me traction. So I'm going to rip you both apart and use the good elements from both to create an all new coaster. Hulk is blasting off to save the earth from the giant meteor that's going to destroy the world in 2012. Imagine if you will a preshow that tells us a huge asteroid is heading for earth, and we're all going to die. Dr. Bruce Banner comes on screen and tells us that if he hits us with Gamma Radiation, we should be able to accelerate fast enough to smash through the rock. There might be side effects though. We walk through a darkened corridor up to the launch pad, getting "blasted" with gamma all the way. As we enter our shuttle shaped vehicle we are strapped in and readied for take off. We go up the ramp in the normal way "Okay everything is clear for launch, I think...I think this might actually work." And ROAR..everything goes wrong as you are launched into oblivion and darkness, lights blurring past you as you dip up and down tossed through lights and supernovas, and finally go on a long dive into the asteroid where it is shattered with the help of special effect lighting, and we see an animatronic hulk grabbing onto the last large piece. Okay, so it sounded better in my head.
6.Sheikra Unleashed: What happens when you take the nations first dive coaster, chop off its floor and cage it up? It gets pissed. Sheikra, in my opinion, is better than Griffon. They are both good fun coasters, but Sheikra is smaller tighter, and flies around the curves giving you more airtime. It's just too damn short, and does nothing else. I know, the trains, blah blah bullshit. So I will take Sheikra and play RCT with it. Lets rebuild it, and make it higher. We'll borrow from the book of oblivion and make it disappear into the ground, a fox hole perhaps. And in that hole, which will stretch down to the depths of hell and back, we have all kinds of lights and terrifying sounds. Why? Because at that speed, thats all you can hear anyway. Basically, we take what Sheikra has now, and we duplicate it underground. We can be happy underground. After all that, we get launched...thats right, launched, vertically back above ground into that great immelman and back into the lighthouse, ending in the splashdown. Now thats good clean fun.
You like the list so far? Well this is only half. Tune in next week when I count down the rest. Til next time...keep your pants on....coaster cooters.
I've been wondering why I am on In the Loop, and part of the Coaster Crew lately. I mean, I dont live up north, I am not a huge fan of the coasters. And really, I think that Six Flags AND Cedar Fair both suck. So whats my purpose? Hell if I know, really. But I did get an interesting call from a friend of mine. "Erik..why the hell is there a giant wall up at Universal?"
"Um...they're building a Harry Potter Land"
"Oh wow man, so how do I get to mummy?"
"Go out the park, hang a left towards Hard Rock, go up the stairs and behind Hard Rock Cafe, you'll see a little gate...go in there, hang a left at Jimmy Nuetron, Hang a right at the Monsters Cafe, take your first left and you'll see it."
"Damn dude, you arent even here! You should write this crap down! You'd make a fortune!"
Well, he was wrong...I wont make a fortune. There's so many different books out there to guide you through the parks. There's also a bunch of crap in those books, and no one really knows the latest info. Chances are the books are written by people who go once a year. Hey, good for them. But this is the real guide. I'm going to tell you what to see, what to miss, and who should see it. On Top of that, I'm going to break it down for ya into park categories. Who wants to read the normal 32 paragraphs I normally write for each park? So this week I'll plunge right into my favorite park, Universal Studios Florida.
The key to doing this park is to go early. Thats the key to doing all parks really. Gates usually open at 9 a.m. but you can usually get a jump on the crowds by showing up at 8:15 during the normal times. 7:45 during Christmas and Summer. Yes, I said 7:45. Get in line at the front gate, and be patient.
Now the first thing you'll need to do is grab a park map, usually outside of the gate. Certain attractions open at different times. This is a cool deal, because it allows the park to slowly get busy. It sucks in that you cant run and hit something like JAWS, because it opens later. Also they have show times listed. There are several things you dont want to miss show wise, but we'll get to that later.
First stop...Shrek 4-D.
Shrek 4D is 3D movie where the seats move. You have to be about 36 inches high to go on it, and you should be able to handle jerking movements as the seats rattle. Little kids might want to avoid this as it has scary spiders. Teens might want to avoid it as its all about the first Shrek film and kind of dull, and the preshow is lame. This also tends to get busy really fast. So do it, get it over with and move on with your day.
Next stop is Jimmy Nuetron. Again, this is a simulator. They have a lot of those. The line gets stupid...and the attraction is just passable. Again, you have to be something like 36 to 40 inches, and older kids are going to find this a bore. It follows the adventures of Jimmy Nuetron, Carl and Sheen as they go through the Nicktoon Studios that are no longer at Universal. Kids love this, and dont get it, because a lot of the cartoon characters are no longer on Nick.
Once you get out, run to the Mummy. Dump off your stuff, and I mean all your stuff, bags, cameras purses, everything...dump it out in the free lockers. They dont let you ride with stuff, and if you dont dump it, they will make you go back. Now if the line says shorter than 20 mintues, its a pretty decent walk and you should be able to ride in no time. Longer than that, trust me on this, do the Single Riders line. It does mean you'll be seperated from your party, but hey you get to ride much faster than waiting.
Next stop Disaster. This was Earthquake, but they redid it. It basically takes you on a comedic tour of "Disaster Studios" where Christopher Walken interacts with the audience. The rest is hilarity. You can be chosen to participate in the show, and it does give you a good idea at how the stunts work. Once done with the filming session, its on to the ride, where you are acting in a earthquake scene. On the ride back you get to see the trailer for your film. The ride is fun, and a good time, though there are some sexual inneundos in it, and the kids may not get some of the references.
Onward to Simpsons. Seriously, skip JAWS and MIB for now. You'll get back to them. Simpsons gets busy fast, really fast, and honestly if you dont want to wait more than 30 minutes for it, you'll want to head there first and play catch up with the rest of your day. Simpsons is a simulator, but a fun one. It has a few effects, and it follows the family through Krustyland after Sideshow Bob. Height limit is something like 42 inches, so little ones cant ride.
MIB is the next on the list, and you'll want to do this at least once, maybe twice. If the sign says more than 15 minutes, single riders will be open and though you wont get to compete with your buddies, you will be able to ride quicker, and possibly more than once. The secret to maxing out your score? Aim small, and far away. Once the light blinks, keep hitting in the same spot until you get past it, and keep that trigger held down. You can get the black suit, I know you can! Height limit for little ones under, I think 40 inches.
JAWS never has too much of a line, and it can eat a lot of people...the ride doesnt eat you...well it does...oh never mind. No height limit, but you do have a shark trying to kill you. Fire, some fish guts and a big ass scary shark.
My ultimate tips:
If you want to see everything, and I mean everything here's what I do. Start at the beginning of the park. Work your way towards the back and hit every single attraction. Wait for things like Twister and E.T. These are good rides that have really short wait times and really big processing availabilities...basically when one show is done the next one starts. Do the shows as your next to last thing you do in the park, ride the rides first...they get the most crowded.
My favorite show is the Horror Make Up show, its funny, and its a little gory. Kind of scary for little little kids, but my 7 year old loves the knife part, so you know it cant be all that bad. BeetleJuice is okay, lots of music, and fun for all. It does have some innuendo, so parents cover your kids ears. Animal Actors is really fun, but very time consuming. You can literally walk in right before the show starts and get a decent seat...but if you want to get picked for audience participation, be there first.
Same with Fear Factor, not always busy, but the way to participate means you have to get there early.
T-2 3D is a great show, but not worth waiting a really long time for. Its the preshow that eats the most time. It's best saved for last.
Now for those height limits. Just because the tinkler cant go on it doesnt mean you cant. Leave the tyke with someone else and tell them to go to the child swap area. They have this for Mummy, MIB, Simpsons and ET and is right off the ride exit. What happens then is whoever waits with the kid can go and ride the ride. It's good for getting double rides, but thats kind of against the rules, so I wouldnt recommend it.
Blues Brothers is a good way to wait with a young one, they play it right outside the Mummy building and they have one usually every hour or so.
Eating is a must, and just like every park they have some great ones and some not so great ones. Burgers are best at Richters, but if you want table service go to the Irish resturaunt (cant remember the name right now) or to Lombards Landing. Both are really good and both have a pretty wide variety of food.
If you plan on being at the park all day, or eating more than once, the Meal Deal is the best bet. For 20 bucks you pretty much get all you can eat at each one of the counter service resturaunts (not the cookie or candy or ice cream shops or road side stands).
Remember the free lockers on Mummy and MIB. They are kind of a pain, but if you want to ride more than once you can do so, and you can leave your stuff. You can also get pretty cheap locker deals so you can leave your stuff in.
My absolute favorite thing about Universal is the Streetmosphere stuff. All the characters walking around interacting with everyone and taking pictures. No lines, not a lot of rules, and a lot of fun.
Now comes the last part, and probably one my favorites. Special Events. There are a few special events at the Studios, those are (in order) Mardi Gras, Rock the Universe, Halloween Horror Nights and Macy's Day Parade.
Mardi Gras is awesome. Floats, beads, colorful characters, and a concert. The best part is that its all included with your park admission. It runs for like 3 months, every Saturday so if you miss it once, you can get a fix the next week...but watch out, the concerts dont repeat.
Halloween Horror Nights is my favorite, hands down. For 23 nights you can get the shit scared out of you with 8 houses, 5 scare zones and 3 shows. Not to mention, almost all the rides are open. This is a seperate event, and you'll need another ticket for it besides your daytime ticket, but its really worth it.
Rock the Universe is the Christian thing. It's an extra ticket, and its always crowded. I dont like it, I dont go...the kids are punks. All I can say honestly. If you like Christian Music and like to do that whole thing....go for it, I hear Christians really dig it....I hated it.
Macy's Day Parade runs around Christmas and runs just about everyday at 5. Loads of characters, candy, floats from the real parade, and Santa! It's really pretty cool, an its all free.
So this week I was going to talk about one of my favorite pasttimes, drinking in the parks, and bitch (you expected anything else?) about the parks you couldnt...but something happened on the way to the blog. InBev, the second largest beer company in the world just became the first. How did they do that? Well, you must have been hiding under a rock, because they bought the biggest, I'm talking of course about Anheuser-Busch. It's one of the last great American beer companies, and now...its not.
Last month InBev offered A-B over 60 billion dollars to buy everything out right, it was refused. This month they put an end to the hostile takeover bid, and agreed to take on the Anheuser-Busch name. It is unclear whether or not the company will close up shop in the states (something a lot of foreign companies tend to do when they buy American) and set up shop in Belgium, but perhaps not with this decrease in the buying price and the flexibility to keep the name. I'm not going to pretend to understand the business of money, and what finally went down. The one thing I am concerned with, probably the same thing you are.....Busch Entertai....excuse me, Worlds Of Discovery.
Whats going to happen? Will they keep the parks? Will they sell off? Will the things that made the Busch parks great get thrown to the wind because of the need to cut budget? The cliched answer is Time Will Tell...I like to stay away from Cliche's,but it works here.
The most important thing remains unanswered...Will the Busch Parks continue to give free beer? Will they now incorporate InBev beers which include Stella Artois? Think about this, you are allowed two beers per I.D. and now you have over 30 different beers to choose from for that sweet taste of free nectar. It's almost as good as getting to choose your Playboy Playmate to take to prom, with the promise of.....well, ya know. Lets hope thats the way they go, and they pretty much leave it be, and realize they have a good thing with the parks.
And that brings me to my favorite pasttime, drinking in the parks...ya see it all works out. Sea World and Busch Gardens are some of the best parks because of the free beer. Other parks do good at the beer and wine selection, but none others are free, and none offere something like beer school to get even more free beer. But lets look at the programs that are offered.
Disney:
Okay, we all know where I'm going with it. Thats right, Drinking Around the World at EPCOT. The idea is simple, you start in Mexico and try to drink your way all the way back to the UK..or is it Canada...stopping at a bar in every single country and grabbing a brew. The only problem is, that its a long walk! It's also pretty damn expensive. I know most people though who skip the rest of the lands and go straight to the U.K. for the YARDS OF BEER! I personally have never made it, I am either too drunk to go on or I run out of money half way through.
Universal:
Okay, so nothing near as cool as D.A.T.W., but you can kind of make your own deal with it by drinking around the Islands. It's kind of the same, only different...and the biggest problem is that not all Islands have their own drink. You're pretty much limited to Triple Threat Extinction at Jurassic Park, Dragon Scale Ale at Lost Continent, and Nectar of the Gods at Mythos. But go to the clubs in CityWalk and of course the hotels and you can get sloshed at a pretty good rate. My favorite drink? The Incredible Hulk of course! Its Hennesey floated ontop of Hypnotiq, or the the other way around...then you make it angry....and watch the transformation! It's good and too many will FUCK YOU UP! And of course this should only be done when staying on site at either Disney or Universal, because its no good to drink and drive.
Thats really all I've got on the different places to drink...because most of the other parks dont serve alcohol, or they dont have anything special.
But I'd like to see something at Six Flags:
DRINK TIL YA HURL! Simple concept, you get a refillable yard...and you drink whatever the drink of the day is. And refills are free. Then you ride. And you drink. And you ride. And you drink..and sooner or later, you're going to hurl. At that point, you're cut off and you cant drink anymore.
But with every time I have to drink at parks I definately have a couple of times when you shouldnt drink.
The biggest no no is Halloween Horror Nights. Now I know you're out without the kids, or maybe your mom and dad let you out of their sight, but there is something about getting liquored up and then getting the piss scared out of you that doesnt mix. For most people its the "Liquid Courage" Factor...that is, you become invincible and want to take on every one who jumps out and scares you. Thats their job, thats what you pay for...letting some poor kid who's getting paid minimum have it in the head because the scare the beer down your leg just isnt cool. For others its the scared so bad you fall down. This is where you become off balanced because you're drunk and you get scared so bad you fall all over yourself when someone jumps out. You could get hurt, or you could hurt someone else.
Any kind of family friendly event i.e. Thrills in the Hills, Mickey's not so Scary, and school field trips. Its plain and simple. When you drink with kids around you set an example, that teaches them to drink, and so on....also there are so many people who cant control themselves and being drunk and beligerent around younger kids is really frowned upon. Oh, and if you're a teacher on a field trip...yeah, not good.....mom and dad might try to get you fired.
But the biggest thing is to go with someone responsible. Have fun, but make sure they have your back...otherwise its a short ride from the park to the slammer, or worse.
Some fun park drinking games:
Have a group of friends and stand under a coaster. Take a drink every time a woman screams.
Drink everytime someone says "say cheese". Yeah, it goes hand in hand with parks.
Take a shot every time you see a fanny pack. This one is really easy to get blasted, and it really boils down to how much money you have for drinks.
Til Next time, keep your pants on......chugaluggers.
Dropped and Exposed is a candid weekly article about the theme park world, and everything in it. I'm an avid park lover, coaster enthusiast and fat guy.
l view of the park. It will dump you out in the Congo section right at the mouth of Kumba...or you can wait and hit Sheikra....yeah, I'd hit it first. Run toward Sheikra and drop til you...well..drop. It doesnt matter where you sit, its a good ride, but the earlier you are the better chance you have of being slid upfront. Fat people no worries, every row has modified seating for your comfort. After Sheikra run back over towards Kumba, nestled back behind the Congo area. Kumba is a standard B&M sit down coaster, and has your standard B&M elements. At one time it was the tallest coaster in Florida....not a bit feat seeing that the tallest point is a crap little attraction called spook hill...but another story another day.
There are so many different animal attractions, I'm not going to name them all, but if you want to see an animal..they have em, and will most likely have it out roaming around. We got to see a hedgehog! I'm not talking Sonic and I dont mean Ron Jeremy (though I've seen him more times than I care to).
The highlight however has got to be the kids rides nestled neatly away the nooks and cranny's of the place. The Wild Surge was a blast and not crowded, as we stayed on for about ten mintues bopping up and out of the waterfall and cave. The zip lines I was naturally too fat for, but the kids loved it...though they were rather simple...out and back. 
Busch Gardens is a 335 acre African wonderland nestled in the East side of Tampa Bay. It was opened in 1959 as a free admission hospitality center for the brewery that used to be onsite there. Originally known for free beer and its tropical gardens where animals roamed free, Busch Gardens Tampfrica is now known as the coaster capital of Florida with six distinctly different coasters, a huge animal habitat and of course free beer.
Most of you want to ride. Thats why we love to go to the parks, its not for the animals...its for the rides. So here's the best way to get all six coasters in before the lines hit. The order really matters. First stop is Gwazi, the GCI wooden half lion/half tiger/half traction accident. It's located to the left of the park entrance. You can manage to get not only front row rides on this but front row rides on both trains before you get any wait. Height limit is 48 inches so little kids cant ride, and the seats are kind of tight so big asses may have a hard time.
